Tuesday 31 July 2012

Pressure.

Wow, school can definitely get on your nerves, man. I mean just cause you ( i mean- "I") had an heated yet a very diplomatic argument with one of the senior teachers about how the teachers are behaving in the school premises and just because i pointed out some wrong-doings by some teachers in the school really does NOT mean i shall be suspended for a week. Well, this is how my rights go unheard and least bothered by the school teachers.

Coming from abroad, and you know how teachers are in abroad. Talk less and work more. Here in India its the complete opposite, teachers just go on and on and on. They dont care if we are listening or not, they are speeding up wanting to finish their portions. Mind you, Indian board syllabuse is HUGE. Gosh, cant believe I'm actually taking up the challenge to finish it up.
Its not like I dont respect my teachers, I do and i adore them. But there are some, who should be crushed down like a powder. Miss-pokey-nose and Miss-know-it-all. These two people are the bloodsuckers of our school. And how could I forget the French teacher, I must say she is AFTER OUR CANTEEN LIFE. She loves discipline.

School life: Boring! Reason: Miss know-it-all. we are the first batch of seniors to pass out and she wants 100% pass percentage with great grades. Well, you know how she makes us study, Cuts down all the inter-school activities. Cannot take part in sports or any kind of competition. Not allowed to go for fests and not allowed to arrange one too! I dont like it anymore, its suffocating! And when I go for some individual improvement she asks my mom " why do u have to let her go? she should study at home ." I am like are you serious?! How am I suppose to get into a top-notch university without some curricular activity. You need some of those too.
I personally feel, all these pressure is one big reason for the number of students suiciding increasing in the city.
I know its a do or die year. Make it or break it time. Whatever phrases you want to give it. I dont think its the end of the world. Do your best, work hard. Do whatever you can and if it does not work out. Work your way out of it instead of sitting back and doing nothing but getting depressed.
And teachers add onto this pressure we know is already there. And parents. Dont tell me about it. Typical!

Every day in school is nothing less than a prison. We work and work and work. We have become like a machine. We don't think creatively anymore. Being a science student. I dont know, i thought science is creative , ability to do great things. Here, in India, we're more into being a machine.

I want to be an individual with creativity and lot of imagination and not like a mechanical machine. And I highly doubt i will be given an opppurtunity in this school to work on it. Cause I think school cares more about the grades we get than about the way we use the knowledge we have captured.
High school: sounds cool right? Well, let me make it clear to you. It's your worst nightmare. I liked school, it used to be my excuse of not staying at home. Ever since I moved back to India, Bammm! every day in school is like a torture. I am pretty good with acting and every morning there will be some or the other drama going on. Me, my mom and my brother. It's a battlefield.

Catching a bus. Such a difficult task. I always end up being late. Shirt-Not tucked in. Socks- of not the right ones (I wear two different socks. Ex: One red and one pink) Hair- MESS! Breakfast on one hand and novel on the other. Shoelaces-not tied. This is my condition every time i catch my bus. People look at me and say; "FREAK". But, I everytime make it neat and tidy before i step in the school campus.

Its amazing how when you just enter you are being greeted with hugs and kisses on cheeks and all the appreciations like " i love your hair, its so pretty" , "oh! your lips are so pink. Which brand is it?", " you are so cute" and all of that, I love the attention, of course. But i dont really get it, when people around you are just bitching about you behind the back. I am always in a pressure of not showing my anger. Its like even though I am angry, sad, depressed, want to be alone, I can't do any of that. I have to put up a smile no matter what goes inside of me and just keep going. It's tiring. And when I cant take it, I let loose. People come up and say "Oh my god! what happened to you. You changed so much". Maybe I am used to people saying good things about me that when people say something bad i turn on the "Bitch" mode.
That's something I need to work on before leaving for University. And how to do it?
Answer is I don't know.

Is it okay to feel that way? Is it okay to love the attention? Am I coming out as attention-seeking girl? How do I cope up with it?