Forever never lasts.

 She walked inside the class and the teacher asked if there was any empty seat, I put my hands up as fast as the speed of light, she walked towards me and we were inseparable since then. We had everything in pairs, whatever you see in my house you could find the same in hers! From tops, nail polishes to books, jewellery even perfumes! We dressed the same, people thought we were twins, and no we don't look alike it would be crazy then we just wore same stuffs, people assumed we were from distant look.
Graduating from classes to classes, we were always together. We both love dance and were pretty famous back when we were kids, we used to perform in every function, parties. You name it and we have done it long back. She used to fight for me and I used to bash up people who hurt her. So many people have tried to break our friendship, jealous people in the world just could't see happy people around them. One fine day, we were not talking which went on for months. I didn't know what was going on and neither did she. Months later, we found out it was what people had wanted to separate us and we both fell into the trap. Something we swore we won't but we did. This world always tries to trap you in one way or the another, its a hard task to not fall into the trap. 'Cause sometimes trap can be so delicious and so tempting you just can't let it go. The incidence taught us a lesson, from then on our bond was stronger. Our friendship didn't end with us , it extended to our families being close. Our mothers became best of friends, now no matter what happens with us we are always connected. This is the strength of friendship, anything in the world can break but not this. Its stronger than the bond of family, much stronger.
Soon I had to leave the place I grew up in, I was devastated. We promised we'll call each other every once a month, send e-mails everyday. Facebook was not there then. When I did shift, all the promises lasted for 3 months. After that everything stopped, we didn't keep in touch, we were completely unaware of the happenings with each other.
4 years later, I came back to my native. The first person I wanted to meet was HER. When we met and talked, I realized that we have completely changed, our taste, our choices, outlook towards life, we were poles apart. I tried to reconcile things, keep away the awkward silence between us and I know she tried it too but the time we were apart made our distances more further away. Opposites attract right? In contrast, we were nowhere close to each other. I couldn't say anything which came in my mind, I didn't know how she would react. Best Friends weren't suppose to do that right? But as the time flew by, we made our own decisions, made new friends, made new best friends.
Then we realized individually that its better to move on with our life, we are still friends but we don't talk anymore. Our friendship deteriorated with time. Now, we are just there but not BFFs anymore.
How I wish forever would last forever. But in reality, it doesn't. Nothing does. Once its gone wrong its gone.
We were best friends since 2nd grade but now I hardly know her and she hardly recognizes me. It hurts a lot but this is how things go.

Pencil

Hhaha the topic. It is making you wonder why on earth would I put this as the topic and what I'm gonna write about it. Well, to clear a few things I am actually writing about a PENCIL, literally.

Pencil, I shall say, MY pencil. Its of red and black vertical stripes. Love the color combination. Red symbolizes passion and black is the door to mystery. I always wonder what it has to do with me, well frankly it means nothing to me. I'm a normal teenager who gives not a damn to all the philosophical meaning in life about each and every non-living thing. But as an English student I'm trained to be philosophical and put my best effort to bring out non-living things to life or at least relate them to our normal life.

It is brand new, never used it once. Its passion to jot down anything the master says is symbolized by the red color. We say pen is mightier than a sword and in this case, its Pencil. Yes, it is.

Sharpening the pencil is the process of shaping its beauty and making it reach to its highest peak possible. We all do undergo in our life the process for our future. High school being one, then the struggles and obstacles, lessons in life are all shaping us and this is our way of sharpening our mind and heart. Ain't easy I agree but we all go through it. Some learn from it and some just ignore it. And once it all is done, we stand still and enjoy our success and growth we have shown. Soon we all gonna be a part of that.

There's a point in life of a pencil when it breaks down but we sharpen it again and bring it back to what it was before. We do break down right, some point in life  let it be regarding to academics, career, family, friendships, relationships and so many things. We get hurt, betrayed, fall down, get scrapped knees, broken heart. But the point of it all is to gather up the pieces and move on, right? We get hurt, dejected for there's no meaning to love if there is no pain, nothing is joyful and happy if you have not experienced pain and there is no beauty in oh-this-is-one-of-the-best-days of life if you have never faced a bad, gloomy day. In order to understand the ongoing life cycle, you need to face it. I'm not going to distract you from the facts of life with the happy stories of all human beings. Yes, I do believe in happy endings everyone deserves an happy ending but also believe that the journey and the path is always human-like. No matter what, gather your bits and pieces of yourself and get going cause the world is not gonna wait for you. Its better to be ahead than lag behind. Believe in yourself amd the sky is your limit just like the pencil where the sharpest point is its limit.

English Exam.

Phew! What a day it was. 3 hours. Pressure was building on and on with each minute passing by.
Firstly, I was down with viral fever to top it all food poisoning. English was the only subject I could get my hopes on but sadly I lost all of it when the big hand of the clock struck 11:45 am. The every tick and the every tock was so loud and I had 15 minutes left with 20 marks to cover.
I was so exhausted by the stress and amount of pressure I applied to myself too just finish my paper somewhere I reached the point of just puking right there. But I gathered all my energy and well like a soldier battled my way till the end.
Exams are a battlefield which tortures and hovers the life of students in a way nobody and only the students will get. Only we, the students, know how to get it done with the portions in just a day and a night of burning our midnight oil. That's probably the only way to save ourselves from getting killed by our opponents, the teachers.
I had exactly 15 minutes to write a note and a summary on a given passage and a comprehension to get done with. For a normal student with no pressure applied, it would take 5 minutes for one to read it once( because it was a big one and didn't make sense at all, basically boring topic) and every one has got to read it atleast thrice to understand the depth of the topic, that's about 15 minutes and planning of your note and summary takes you about 12 minutes in total. A comprehension would take about another 10 minutes to read and write. That's totally 37 minutes!
By the time I got done with my note-making, I lost all hope of finishing my paper. The teacher started collecting papers from junior classes, I had to make it. There's no way leaving it blank. 15 minutes and 20 marks, at the end I did it. You can imagine the speed of my writing and the condition of the paper. It was not presentable but I made it till the end. Victorious! A battle won! I kinda don't care about my marks what matters is you atleast completed what you set out to do. I was pretty impressed by my own speed. Great. 100 marks paper completed. Work done well. I was pretty relieved when I left the battle zone, I was the last person there. I made it to my fellow comrades. Bravo!

The Waiter Guy.

We, human beings, have the instinct to socialize. Meet new people, make friends, acquaintances. Every time we step out the house, the moment we come across many people, few of them we know, others we consider them as strangers. Totally cut out of life, they play no role in your life. So do we consider all the others whom we don't know useless? Why don't we settle down and think for a moment that why don't we know them? We are all of same species, aren't we suppose to connect in anyway possible, instinct would definitely tell us to.

What I think when I step out of house is: Every day i step out of my house, meet people, few familiar faces, others totally new. There's always a reason you come across them, cross each other's path. We are all interconnected with invisible threads. Every one plays a role. Few get the important ones, others get the background one. But we all definitely have a reason to meet, whether to bump into someone accident-LY, bring a  slight joy in their life or sorrow. Happiness or pain. Knowingly or unknowingly. We all have that one unknown reason.

How many of you out there have had eye contacts with random unknown people and think there is this one connection? It could be just anyone. For that moment, you are mesmerized. Liked that cute guy in the coffee shop and you just can't help taking your eyes off him? That girl in the bookstore all confused what to look for and you just can't stop thinking of approaching her and help? 

Everyone does. I do too. I did.

It was suffocating crowd. Friday morning. School trip. Hot scorching sun up above the head. It was definitely uncomfortable. I just wouldn't stop cribbing about the place, temperature, how I desperately needed ice-cream. I just rushed out of the crowd to take some fresh air and I met his eyes. He was far away but I knew what I saw. Those eyes. Captivating. I couldn't help taking my eyes off him. It was that strong. He looked at me and looked away, kept smiling with his friends and continued setting up the table. Still, I didn't take my eyes off him. To not make things weird  I started playing with my phone pretending to text someone and looking up again and again  to make sure he is still there. Then my crowd came out. Other girls started noticing him how cute he was and all of that. I didn't see whether he was cute or not as he was far away. You wonder how I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was his smile. His eyes. Those two things. That's what kept me looking away from him. As I followed my crowd I went near him and he just couldn't stop smiling. Was it those girls? Did he hear what they were saying? Or was it me? Did he notice me amidst the crowd? Or was it because of his friends teasing him about the environment around? I just didn't know anything. Nothing. I was clueless. 

I left that place to do what I was supposed to do. During the Lunch time, I went to the food pavilion. Ordered a couple of drinks and pasta and an apple pie. I met my friends and we had our lunch together. I went to order french fries. And that's when I saw him again. He was smiling. I think that's his nature. Keep smiling. Or he definitely knew the girls were going crazy about him. Including me. That's when I saw him properly, noticed every single detail of his face, his body. To give you an idea of what I'm talking he looks like Wren from Pretty Little Liars. His face, Pretty much the same, his smile better than Wren. His body, not exactly like he works out in gym but whatever he was wearing did bring out the best of him. I was indeed mesmerized by him. His smile most significantly. It was charming. He was not hot types. Not a dude type. But definitely charming. This was not a crush, it was just an attraction. Force. Different kind. Never experienced.

By the work he was doing, I assumed he is a Hospitality student and he was doing his internship. But I didn't pay any attention to it. He once came next to where I was sitting and before he could reach my table he switched his work with some other guy. And that disappointed me. I tried to go upto him. But I could see the manager finding something fishy going on. They were just staring at me, made me very uncomfortable. I could have gone upto him, strike a conversation but I was in school uniform, teachers were there. I didn't want to prove them that I was a slut. Cause people here do not appreciate that kind of confidence. Girls don't do that. But I don't believe in that. To not cause any problem, I decided then I would go back again the next day. And do it.

Next day, I planned with my friends  and we all went there. But my motive, the real reason was to meet him. Once. First thing I did was going straight to food pavilion. I searched how much ever I could but I couldn't. I told myself maybe he didn't come yet. Or he was busy in other place. I went to watch the B-Boy competition, at the back of my mind however was only one thing. Find Him.

After the show, I went there again. I walked past 2 guys whom I saw the other day. Guessed, probably they are friends with The Waiter Guy. They looked back again and again at me and started talking among themselves. This shows I had been pretty obvious the other day. Embarassed. I took a seat and settled down. I still couldn't find him. Hours flew by. Still no sight of him. None. It was getting late, I had to go back home I wished God atleast once let me meet him. Just this once. I'm not taking anything out of him, let me just meet him. The attraction was that strong. But he didn't. He was not there. He didn't come that day. For a moment I thought, was it all my imagination, all in my head. Was he, what I wanted him to be? Gosh, that was crazy. I couldn't be that crazy.

It was over. On my way back home, I realized. It was over. Those two days, whatever I felt is nothing but only my memory. It was strange, nobody will understand.i don't expect anyone to.'Cause I fail to understand it myself.

What's the probability that you will meet someone again whom you don't know anything about, and does not exist in YOUR life at some point of your lifetime? Answers? No one has it. It's very difficult to calculate keeping in mind that our sample space is infinity. Its impossible. That's why we count in fate, destiny.

Again, we are all interconnected with invisible threads. Everyday we meet someone, there's a reason behind it. Call it fate. Call it coincidence. Call it anything. But some people whom you don't know might turn out to be the most important person in your existing life. 

Unfinished business-1

What is the difference between infatuation and love?
How well do you differentiate it? How can you make sure that which feelings come under which category?
How long will this last? What are the possibilities and what are the consequences?
All this things crop up my mind whenever I try to concentrate on something else. How do I brush them away?

Its been a year since a dreadful past relationship. Yes, "Dreadful" is how I should name it. And since then I have been trying to move on and then I come across a person whom I always wanted to bump into but never sure of where it would take me. My first crush. When I was in 8th grade I had this huge crush on this senior of mine. I was in a state where your heart beats a skip, your knees get weak and getting goosebumps whenever you hear his voice types. He was an amazing person, I didnt know him but thats what i felt. His cool and calm attitude, a very good vibe. I left the place, shifted to a different country. After 4 years, he shows up on Facebook around my 16th birthday and says things which if he had said earlier I would have turned into liquid state.

He remembers the date when i blurted out my feelings for him. And he told me he wants to talk about lot of things but will only do when we meet. Amazing part is that he never dated anyone. :O How's that possible? Is it cause of me? Or is it cause he didnt get anyone. -.- Is he actually serious? Or, is he just impressing me with all this talks? I never got a chance to know him. So I don't know what is he up to. As it is nowadays guys think its 21st century and its cool for you to be advanced and if you are not, you ain't that cool. I would say that applies to girls too!

What should I call this little piece of story? Is it infatuation or is it something called love? And mind you there are different knids of love: Puppy love, high school love, immortal love, till-death-do-us-part love, understanding love and many more.


I think about it everytime. I always wanted to talk to him and now that we can talk I am finding reasons to avoid him. I will be going back in 2 months and I will ahve to meet him cause then it'll be rude. I know its not him that I will have to think that I wanna spend my entire life with him. I think its more of like I left unexpectedly and now I got some serious job to finish. 'Cause until and unless you close one door other door does not open. And my life I have got a lot of unclosed doors and lot of un-finsihed business and maybe sometime I shall set out to a journey of finishing all of them. So till then I guess i shall just have to wait. Wait for what happens next.

This reminds me that " All good things comes to those who wait. "
                                                                                                                   -to be continued.

Pressure.

Wow, school can definitely get on your nerves, man. I mean just cause you ( i mean- "I") had an heated yet a very diplomatic argument with one of the senior teachers about how the teachers are behaving in the school premises and just because i pointed out some wrong-doings by some teachers in the school really does NOT mean i shall be suspended for a week. Well, this is how my rights go unheard and least bothered by the school teachers.

Coming from abroad, and you know how teachers are in abroad. Talk less and work more. Here in India its the complete opposite, teachers just go on and on and on. They dont care if we are listening or not, they are speeding up wanting to finish their portions. Mind you, Indian board syllabuse is HUGE. Gosh, cant believe I'm actually taking up the challenge to finish it up.
Its not like I dont respect my teachers, I do and i adore them. But there are some, who should be crushed down like a powder. Miss-pokey-nose and Miss-know-it-all. These two people are the bloodsuckers of our school. And how could I forget the French teacher, I must say she is AFTER OUR CANTEEN LIFE. She loves discipline.

School life: Boring! Reason: Miss know-it-all. we are the first batch of seniors to pass out and she wants 100% pass percentage with great grades. Well, you know how she makes us study, Cuts down all the inter-school activities. Cannot take part in sports or any kind of competition. Not allowed to go for fests and not allowed to arrange one too! I dont like it anymore, its suffocating! And when I go for some individual improvement she asks my mom " why do u have to let her go? she should study at home ." I am like are you serious?! How am I suppose to get into a top-notch university without some curricular activity. You need some of those too.
I personally feel, all these pressure is one big reason for the number of students suiciding increasing in the city.
I know its a do or die year. Make it or break it time. Whatever phrases you want to give it. I dont think its the end of the world. Do your best, work hard. Do whatever you can and if it does not work out. Work your way out of it instead of sitting back and doing nothing but getting depressed.
And teachers add onto this pressure we know is already there. And parents. Dont tell me about it. Typical!

Every day in school is nothing less than a prison. We work and work and work. We have become like a machine. We don't think creatively anymore. Being a science student. I dont know, i thought science is creative , ability to do great things. Here, in India, we're more into being a machine.

I want to be an individual with creativity and lot of imagination and not like a mechanical machine. And I highly doubt i will be given an opppurtunity in this school to work on it. Cause I think school cares more about the grades we get than about the way we use the knowledge we have captured.

High school: sounds cool right? Well, let me make it clear to you. It's your worst nightmare. I liked school, it used to be my excuse of not staying at home. Ever since I moved back to India, Bammm! every day in school is like a torture. I am pretty good with acting and every morning there will be some or the other drama going on. Me, my mom and my brother. It's a battlefield.

Catching a bus. Such a difficult task. I always end up being late. Shirt-Not tucked in. Socks- of not the right ones (I wear two different socks. Ex: One red and one pink) Hair- MESS! Breakfast on one hand and novel on the other. Shoelaces-not tied. This is my condition every time i catch my bus. People look at me and say; "FREAK". But, I everytime make it neat and tidy before i step in the school campus.

Its amazing how when you just enter you are being greeted with hugs and kisses on cheeks and all the appreciations like " i love your hair, its so pretty" , "oh! your lips are so pink. Which brand is it?", " you are so cute" and all of that, I love the attention, of course. But i dont really get it, when people around you are just bitching about you behind the back. I am always in a pressure of not showing my anger. Its like even though I am angry, sad, depressed, want to be alone, I can't do any of that. I have to put up a smile no matter what goes inside of me and just keep going. It's tiring. And when I cant take it, I let loose. People come up and say "Oh my god! what happened to you. You changed so much". Maybe I am used to people saying good things about me that when people say something bad i turn on the "Bitch" mode.
That's something I need to work on before leaving for University. And how to do it?
Answer is I don't know.

Is it okay to feel that way? Is it okay to love the attention? Am I coming out as attention-seeking girl? How do I cope up with it?